Thursday, November 20, 2014
I am reminded of why I previously chose to be single. I've always been "the girlfriend" type. Loyal puppy dog love. Total devotion. I'm just a serious girl about everything I do. I don't enjoy dating or sleeping around. I want to be with someone who I can see a future with... otherwise, there's no chance! No matter how cute or seemingly perfect someone seems, I need to see a serious frame of mind that is ready for commitment. I've never wanted to get married immediately. I wanted to date someone I could seriously marry, eventually. In admitting this, this is the reason why I CHOSE to be single for so long. Prior to my last boyfriend, I was single for many years. Was abstinent from sex for a couple years when I finally "sealed the deal" with my ex... on our 1st official date. It was unlike me. There was a spark. We'd been texting for awhile leading up to it. We were already crazy about each other on our 1st date. So, why was it so scary to make our relationship official "couple status"? Why so much tip toeing and fear? Connections can be effortless but relationships ARE NOT. It takes work, understanding, and maturity (among a ton of other things!) Also, since my last break up, I rediscovered BREAK UPS SUCK! Heartbreak on any degree are uncomfortable and hurt. You take a risk when you agree to make the couple commitment. Likewise, it takes a lot of courage to end a relationship... when you know that's the most beneficial thing to do in the long run. To finally stop denying to yourself and others of how you really feel. I've been that girl so many times, even outside of romantic relationships. Playing that happy role for others so they think everything is ok and you can also play pretend it's ok. It can be easier to drag unhappiness on, Or Try to sabotage a relationship in a subconscious attempt to lead to it's demise WITHOUT having to concretely make the choice. A "coward's way out". I understand making commitments of any sort can be scary. We need to be honest with ourselves and other's we are making commitments to. Is this what we really want? Are we truly in a place to devote serious energy towards this relationship/situation? In all fields of commitment in life, it's similar to gambling. You may know there's a chance going into something. You place your bet or you don't based on that gut feeling. Either way you're taking a risk of "loosing" or getting hurt. It's a part of basic living instinct, you want to protect yourself! Survival instincts. How can you NOT expect issues when you bring two totally separate humans trying to share a life together? Everyone has a different mind with various experiences that others may not be able to relate to... but you still try to understand. Add mommy, daddy, + family problems to the mix, and you're eating the bittersweet salad of life sprinkled with tasty trauma of past relationships, dressed with basic balsamic human nature.