Monday, November 3, 2014

Experiencing an overly intoxicated night can remind you of the mess you have going on inside. I've recently had one of THOSE nights. My day leading up to it was extremely stressful. I was working a full shift after 4 hours of sleep. Then when it ended I had to deal with more job stress. I thought I was going to loose my new job. Both my new and old job double scheduled me. I had to no show one. I tried to get my shift covered from both jobs. Nothing worked and I had to have a serious phone call with my new boss. I felt I never left that anxiety before entering my evening out. I still was carrying this heavy load of stress. I forgot that it's not wise to drink when you're already in a bad state of mind. Basically, I pushed my limits and had a "bad trip". I didn't do anything crazy or wild or get sick. I was just agitated, told a few people off, got too competitive while playing a game, and couldn't keep my balance by the end of the night. I know many people saw me in this state. I'm sure they judged and gossiped about my behavior. I can't entirely blame them for doing so, I brought it upon myself. I'm an old soul who believes in acting like a lady. I was acting like a sad girl. Which I kinda am right now. That night revealed all the stuff I try to push through. Between working 2 jobs, taking scary public transportation, dealing with a breakup, and trying to deal with my grandma's death... I forgot just how much I had going on. I've thrown myself into work to distract me from my depression. I need to slow down for a min and gain peace with everything. We all have our problems. I'm just trying to deal with mine in a healthy way. I need to make some changes. I took a social media cleanse/break for a week a little while back. I think it's time for an alcohol break for a week. I want to use other outlets to release. I haven't been performing or creating much lately. I know that always depresses me when I deprive my artistic side. I become a repressed grump when I'm not artistically expressing myself. I want to feel at peace. Even if situations aren't exactly serene, I must find peace in midst of it all. I will report back when the week is up. Share what I've learned and experienced as a result. Happy Monday! Have a peaceful week!

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